process, part two

I don't know how to write about things that matter to me. I put too much time into thinking about how I want my story to read instead of spending time writing and rewriting it. I feel a close connection with the boys I wrote about because not only are they friendly, but we've shared meals and we've prayed together (well, not with Hasim) and we've spent hours together. I don't worry about offending them at all, I just worry about doing their story justice, and I feel like that hinders my writing ability. I feel a need to tell their whole story, everything that they told me. The cruelty of the American army, their seeming support for the legitimate but short lived resistance to occupation, and their disavowal of the terrorists that presently strike fear into the hearts of all Iraqis. There's so much to write, but I just can't figure out how.

I did most of my interviews second or third week, so maybe I've thought about this too much. I want to be able to thread two narratives together, the first being the lives of the men I met, and the second being a general history of the war in Iraq, which is almost ancient history to most Americans. Over 112,000 civilians have been killed since the invasion, and now these three are living in the United States, going to school here, taking part in our community, that is fascinating, and I think my need to tell the story actually keeps me from writing it. I'll try to continue updating my rough draft before Wednesday morning. I don't care if that's cheating. It has to be done.